Darkness of A Clockwork Destiny

A tiny update.

2006-07-02T23:36:46Z

Im trying to update more often. So really quickly, things that are worth mentioning:

New awesome friend enters the scene.
Videogames galore this summer.
Calculus sucks the big one, but im rolling by.
The brotherhood will arise, I can assure you.
Cut my finger badly playing jedi whores.
Working out in the gym takes dedication.
Summer food is quite possibly the worst thing ive
ever tasted in my life.
Livejournal is picked up once more.

Rules of The Game

2006-04-23T21:52:36Z

1) 'Why am I on your friends' list?
Comment, then post this in your journal and see what people say about you.'

2) If you comment...
1. I'll respond with something random I like about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll name something we should do together.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.

I havent updated in so long.

2006-04-16T01:32:59Z

Right now I need this time to get my life back in gear to awesomeness, so still hold the presses. Im currently using this account to post on others sites for the time beeing.

Life during Vacation

2006-02-22T04:41:34Z

If only people saw inside themselves, what I see in them.

Something that came up in my mind.

2006-02-21T05:34:38Z

What makes one an asshole is the indifference to change. I need not worry myself, for I would sell my soul to ensure anothers happiness. I have come to terms that I need to help others to affirm my happiness. I dont think at all that I am outta line, or misguided one bit. I think we should do what makes us feel productive and positive, and I find helping those in need very appealing. I dont buy into the realist trap, where its a dog eat dog world out there. The world is not gooing to eat me alive, for I constantly am paying my dues.
People get chances and oppurtunity, and those that dont is why I think we need more charitable people in this world.

Every thing that comes to be real, has started off imaginary.
The thing that makes me is that I have the inability not to not care.
Honesty and Hope is what is looking out for me.

Ok Heres What Happpened

2006-02-18T17:07:59Z

I woke up early at 6 am to place the candy, flowers (3 red roses), choclates, balloon, and card in front of her room. She woke up to see it that morning. I was told she was happy, and that morning at breakfast she wished me a happy v-day too. I never recieved a thank you, which I can guess multiple reasons for not recieving. Sure I felt empty inside, but all I have is hope. Her away message that day dealt with posing a question. That question was where do you think the choclates go after they have beem eaten? Lovely. Later in the week, the night before the biotest I saw her again, and we were both studying for the test in the library side room in shapiro campus center 2nd floor. Youd be surprized what I learned, lets just say I went back to my dorm and felt worse. After the test I saw her at breakfast really briefly, and then again at biolab. We parted ways and I wished her safe passage and an amazing break.

Questions:
Is she in the bachelorette auction?

I have enough for a major analysis now:

I notice that while she seems to fluxuate, and tends to be in either a good or bad mood all the time.
She can be snappy and she wants people to leave her alone and let her be. Shes either socially bubbly and happy, or in low spirits and in low esteem. She thinks most people are assholes and its a fuck or get fucked world. Shes very realistic and this is result of what im guessing is her major breakup with her old bf has causen her to place a shell around herself and avoid, push, and distance people away from her. Im guessing that she is scared to be vulnerable, because someone will cause her that pain that she tries to remove from her life. The problem is that shes afraid, and thus keeps alot to herself. She told me she hates people, yet she wants to be a doctor. However I still see the selflessness and devotion to greater good, and that is why she will make a wonderful practioner of medicine / health. She worries to much about her finnancial situation, for shes the richest person in character that I ever met. Everytime I see her I think she is more beautiful that the last time I saw her. Whenever I see her I get the butterfly sensation and heart palpatations. I dont care who knows it, for the first time in my life, I have nothing to hide at all, and the feeling is amazing.

Maybee the problem is that she is attracted to and chooses assholes. She is selective of who she assosiates with, and so far Ive been lucky to be on the good side of the fence. While I have feelings for her, I think by not telling me how she feels / showing initiave of some sort is a bad thing.
If she told me shes interested in me, then it would make sence to go out and do stuff together. However if I never had a chance in the first place, Im getting burned by beeing led on. I am wondering if she is unsure of me, and needs time to get to know me. However that would be more of a reason to spend more time with me, instead of letting me flutter in the wind. I care for her and I would wait a lifetimes to prove it. After all Im far from beeing an asshole. There is a saying back in connecticut that goes if you never give anyone a chance, then you wont give mr.right a chance either.

Friday Cometh

2006-02-10T17:57:36Z

Talked to my favorite person today, turns out shes an animal lover, which works out well. It turns out her pets live long, when mine dont, so I wonder what would happen under shared care??? Shes gooing out on a date, with some "creepy / sketchy guy," which for me is a good circumstance. Anyways Im excited about getting her valentines day gifts. Im gooing for the rose / choclate / card / combo, which I must go out and get this weekend, however the kicker is that Im buying a package of skittles with it. Im putting on the skittles, im sorry I didnt know how much you weighed. The joke is that I told her the other day that some people are worth their weight in skittles. The icing on the cake is that the bachlorlette auction is coming up soon, and if she auctions herself, she knows that I am gooing to bid on her. WOOHOO I can hardly wait to see what happens.

Too soon for any thoughts or analysis, Ill update after V-day.

I Screwed Up

2006-02-05T15:19:08Z

I saw her once again at a dance, this time at the royal ball, and she gets more attractive everytime I see her. I shoulda asked her to the dance, but I was afraid that it might seem overbearing. I saw her dance really well, and she looked radiant in her formal attire.

Thoughts:
Somebody let her rest, because shes been running through my mind all day.

Analysis:
Valentine's Day is coming up, lets see what I pull outta my hat.

Emotionally Dead

2006-02-02T04:55:04Z

Nothing To Report, Which I Guess In This Case.... No News Is Lackluster.

Thoughts:
These days in the book of my life are just blank pages.

Analysis:
You can always go back and fill in the blanks.

It seems that everybody is looking to fill a void in someway or another.

2006-01-31T05:13:15Z

I realize that schedule is a very bad word. I have a whole month of fantastic ideas, yet w/o a schedule im gooing to have to coast the plans.I am potentially waiting for some form of iniative to come along, as it is apreciated now and then, but things take time I do realize. I thought college was suppose to be a bit more fast paced, however things are taking their time to progress. Im finding things for myself to do, such as the awesome videogame costume I made, check my facebook to see it. One thing that has been bothering me is that formal dance that I have nobody to go with. Damnit, I actually look good in a suit.....

Thoughts:
Why does this have to be so complicated, its so simple in my mind?
Am I under the illusion that I have a chance, or is it in my mind that I am enfatuated with a partial image?

Analysis:

Im somebody I dont recognize anymore, no more madler bedazzle or mystical charm. I use to feel awesome and amazing, yets its like I put someone else there to replace me. I dont mind at all, as I am all about living my life through others. Its time for me to stop my depression, and stay true to the original awfully unique humor savy costume dressing super hero lover of all things jewdacious.

Saturday Night Fever For Me

2006-01-29T07:03:03Z

I danced near her tonight, she was stunningly cute as ever. Im glad I told her she looked very pretty, but then again she always does.( I especially love her eyes, the dark color is so beautiful and amazingly rich and highlights her smile.) Oh how I sleep tonight to dream of tommarow.

Thoughts:
WHY DIDNT I START CONVERSATION....IM SO DUMB.
AM I A HOPELESS HOPELESS ROMANTIC???

Analysis
Come the month of Febuary its show time, I already am planning for the best month ever.

Better Every Time

2006-01-27T15:15:47Z

I ran into her last night, and I was in awe once more. Turns out she was helping a cafeteria employee learn English, which was heartwarming to see. Unfortunatly I couldnt get her attention to say hi, but hopefully Ill talk to her soon.

Thoughts:
Maybee its hard for me because I gave it all I had?

Analysis:
For some reason Im not gooing to let that stop me from beeing myself.

Always The Madler

2006-01-26T05:51:43Z

Sunday the 22nd was the best day of my life, when I finnally told my college crush how amazing I think she is. I took the first oppurtunity in 9 months since knowing her, to throw myself into the furnaces of judgement. Amazingly she was very considerate and calm about me pouring out my soul, which I am thankful for. The result was an hour lunch conversation in which we discussed many a thing, and I now am aware of the situation. As I could of guessed she has just gotten out of a 2 year relationship, which was from her highschool sweetheart. I completly understand that she doesnt want to get involved seriously with anyone, until perhaps the healing process is complete. She is now dating a few guys, and I am lucky enough to have a shot. I seem to be more confident about it then she did, although we both are happy about that lunch in.

Analysis
We cant help who we care about, and that can be a battlefield for the heart. My first dating expierience is with an adult situation, one which ive had absolutly no expierence in. I will debut onto the scene nonetheless, but I hopefully will recieve the help I need. Im gooing to try my best as I always do, and work harder to make myself a better person in the meanwhile. I have stayed loyal and true to myself, and I try and help others as much as I can. Ive never turned anyone away, and beyond my confident exterior shell, lies a toysrus kid who just wants to be accepted. Despite my feelings in the long run, I am walking on a thin line. I dont want to end up a rebounder, however I dont want to get locked into the "only friends" situation. I believe if I can give her the space she needs, then I wont come off overbearing and intrusive. Since shes use to dating people older then me, it would be ideal if she has control over the reigns. I therefore plan to be gentle and understanding, and I need to prove to her that I can be there for her. I think its best that I can stay true to myself, and be ever so compassionate and charming. I would give up videogames and magic cards at her request, so I realize and respect that its worth giving her and myself the time needed to find ourselves. After all the best things in life are worth the wait.

I have proven myself to everyone for all my life, and I dont need anyone to back up the fact that I am kind and considerate. Student council president, eagle scout, and lovable gamer dork is just the multitude of the nice guy that I am. If I didnt want to help people I would drop premed and give up my dreams of discovering cures to hinder the aging process. For all the things that I have done, and all the people that I have helped, I hope that I can have a small bit of happiness. Ive dedicated my life to serving others as a future doctor of the body, and an entertaining personality for the soul. After all I believe that laughter heals what medicine doesnt. I would like to show her that I am more then just a personality. Im amazing at cheering people up, I have the gift of psychoanalytical foresight and I am great at capturing the moment as preventing any awkward moment. I listen more then I talk, and I am very helpful with an assortment of things. The best closure I can get, is to make this a win : win situation. Ive already won just by knowing her in my life, and Im grateful just for knowing her. I hope things work for the best, they tend to in the end. For now I will be dedicated to whats above, and offer my world on a silver platter.

After all the Madler is always who you let him be.

THE PRODIGAL REAPER RETURNS!

2005-04-25T03:55:17Z

IM BACK BITCHES!

CHECK IT OUT!

2004-12-16T17:09:59Z

MADLER
M	is for	Mysterious
A	is for	Articulate
D	is for	Dorky
L	is for	Likeable
E	is for	Energetic
R	is for	Revolutionary

What Does Your Name Mean?

heh

2004-11-03T05:46:00Z

How to make a MADLER

Ingredients:

1 part intelligence

1 part humour

1 part energy

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

The Emerald Forest and The Saphire Ocean

2004-09-04T00:44:40Z

Take a seat and halt your motion,
here's a tale of much commotion.
The stage is set with devotion,
Between a forest and an ocean.

Throughout the world there was much ease,
since tranquil woods loved serene seas.
Waves of silver and leaves of gold,
distant lover's meet fate untold.

The Emerald Forest One Could See,
the sparkling branches of the trees.
Radiant shrubings around elegant flowers,
Springtime blossoms with April Showers.

The Saphire Ocean One Could Know,
how soothing winds moved tidal flow.
Dazzling clouds with graceful features,
Shinning coral greets swimming creatures.

Earth and Water where green meets blue,
starcrossed places with feelings true.
Although seperated by long distance,
their bestowed loved displayed persistance.

So close togeather, yet so far apart,
these hopefuls knew from the very start.
But time grows old and wears the heart,
passions die, emotion sifts apart.

The once beautiful forest one did say,
that it began to fade out with quick decay.
creeping mold eats rotting logs,
flailing plants in horrid fog.

The once magestic Ocean one did call,
that it tossed and turned agaisn't the squall.
turbulent gusts cause frigid chills,
shipwrecked boats leave costly spills.

As one was drowning the other did wither,
weeping swan songs with a cold spine shiver.
The planet grew dark, the shadows crept,
silence lingered, since happiness slept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Desolate visions had left them blind,
but their flowing tears began to bind.
Swirl and Whirl, they formed a river,
drop by drop with pain delivered.

A bridge between the two was bliss,
consumating a glancing kiss.
And finnaly their souls shone bright,
the darkness died, in came the light.

The Emerald Forest one now assumes,
the bountiful harvest in vernal blooms.
Chirping insects hum joyful tunes,
budding petals float crystal moons.

The Saphire Ocean one now declares,
it's youthful breeze in the summertime airs.
Sandy Beaches hold ivory shells,
sunset currents waft pleasent smells.

Earth and Water where green meets blue,
starcrossed places with feelings true.
Although seperated by long distance,
their bestowed loved displayed persistance.

Now the Forest thrives today,
and the Ocean drifts and sways.
Since their love found way to mend,
Our story over, farewell my friend.

CLICK TO SEE ME IN ACTION

2004-09-01T15:12:14Z

http://www.mindistortion.neoburn.net/iwantyoursoul/?i_am=CLOCKWORKREAPER

I might be mortal, but then again I am also human.

2004-07-11T03:17:25Z

It has been said that we need to live life to the fullest each day, for it might be our last. A day of judgement awaits us all, but that day comes
alone to its individual. We often as hopefulls talk about a second chance, another shot to correct the wrongs we have comitted and ask for penchance from those we have wronged. An attempt to relive life seems so far out of reach, but maybee thats cause the gloves on the wrong hand.
What if the natural order of cyclical lifes and deaths be disrupted? What if death is just a pause between lifes, a temporary resting place as foretold by ancient Egyptian prophesies. Were not talking movies here, we are talking stem cell research, telomere anti-aging proteins, and even necrological resseruction on the genetic level.

Physical Immortality is far fetched, but infinite rebirths might not be so. We then begin to talk on who has the right to live and who doesn't. Would immortaility come at the cost of not beeing able to reproduce, since more people means faster resourse depletion, which equalls global distribution sustainability problems. Would you think the same and act the same? Would we be able to emotionaly feel with our every nerve? Better yet we begin to talk about the nature of man, whether more life will cause murder, greed, and abuse, or it will be used for the purpose of good?
Are we better off dead, are these concepts a pandora's box within themselves. So as I begin to embark to answer these questions, take a good look at your life, from each aspect you can think of from when you wake up, to when you go to sleep.
Deep within your heart you know your worth upon society. Now Ask Yourself, am I worth saving?

GREED CERTAINLY KILLS

2004-05-29T17:25:23Z

She who shall not be named: it's not my fault you want to devote your entire life to friends instead of yourself, so dont act like it is.

When you try and make somebody feel better, and instead they make you feel like shit, something is definatly wrong.

Viewpoint of Mana

2004-05-29T17:14:43Z

The clockwork reaper hovered in the etheral nether vortex of souls. Looking upon all that was once, the skittering humming of the void left a catalyst for thought.
______________________________________________________________________
Clockwork reaper = Blue Mana Logic mixed with Black Mana Ego

I find myself typing this entry in the midst of relationship problems, so here is the proper bargaining that needs to transact:

White Mana Spirit Mixed with Red Mana Love:
This is one individual that I would like to establish a better relationship with.

Red Mana Fervor Mixed With Blue Mana Strategem.
There is one individual who needs to stop rushing and smell the roses.

Black Mana Solitude Mixed with White Mana Attachment
There is one individual who needs to stop acting like a child, and grow up to the world that is life.

All Red Mana Compassion
I cant say anything to you, without you getting upset. Maybee Im the one whos going to do the moving far far far away.

Blue Mana Calculation
There is one individual who needs to grow up, and stop letting people run this person's life. Our friendship has declined beacuse of it.

Pure Black Mana Conviction
There is individulal who need to stop acting under a false brevado, called friendship. You suck you black hearted fucker.

Blue Mana Perseverance and White Mana Loyalty
There is one individual who has seen life get the best of him, yer he never has complained. This is one person who's fortune has time to come.

Green Mana comradery mixed with Red Mana Complex
There is one individual who is large in both emotions and stature.
This person needs to constantly feel accepted.

______________________________________________________________________
Chapter 8 "Reflections On a Crooked Mirror", MADLER CHRONICLES

How Did I End Up Here

2004-05-23T02:41:55Z

I thought it would be best to type my feelings down, as a way to vent my depression, and exsplain circumstances as it is.

I am a 17 yr old boy, whos goal in life is to make everyone happy, despite its absurdly improbable to do. But theres another thing, as I am a believer in the impossible, and stake my life on making it better for others, even if I kill myself to do so. I compensate my emotions with a high intellectual attitude, thus I am bombastic and awkward. I have a negative self-image and would qualify for a nerd/dork/geek.My good attributes are my oration skills and awesome stage pressence...did I mention I cant speell to save me life. I find that in my depression, I have to make a joke about my misfortunes, to relieve the pain within . Even worse is that I give out advise that really never helps anybody, but is rather a temporary solution to make them feel better about themselves. I struggle with my identity, as I try to hard to get people to laugh at what I do. I then suffer the fate of having nobody take me seriously. As you might tell, I am a logical analytical thinker, and every little aspect of the world fascinates me. My hobies are collecting things, playing all sorts of games, and making music......( the music I like is techno, retro, video game and theme song music). I am physically scrawny, moderatly tall, and really clever. I have an artistic side, but I rarely ever use it, but I do have a poetic side. I often try to improve myself as a person day by day. I have a good life, and im lucky not to be born in poverty in a third world country starving to death.

My major problem is that throughout my life, Ive been afraid of rejection. Rejection is just an emptyness, a vacant feeling that you cant get rid of no matter how hard you try to fill the void.Therefore ive always stood on the sidelines and let life pass me by. There has been a couple people in my life, that I care for alot. some of these people, even beeing in thier pressence is like a jab to my heart, a paralyzing sensation which forces me to act differently. I say the wrong things and act upon them, which I normally wouldnt do. I could fill notebooks upon notebooks about them, but im afraid to get entagled in there lifes. In the midst of trying to be funny or a helpful friend, I never show people my campassionate sensitive side. Everybody considers themselves higher than me on the authority of love, and they might be right, I might be the exspert on rejection. Therefore I assume I will die alone, in a hospital bed listning to a radio with nobody to inherit my legacy. And as I close my eyes, I will regret not beeing able to help those I should of. I should stop believing in love, and just admit thats its unobtainable.

Thats a good summary for now.

-Wicked Verse

2004-05-22T20:27:06Z

As dread of night blankets primrose sky,
The shadows beckon, the voices cry.
A gruesom vison confronts your eye,
of a shrouded spector, a phantom spy.

A hovering stalker, a spectacle of fun.
Your pulse beats faster, its time to run.
Destiny's indicating, of things to come.
As you stumble over, your life's undone.

His scythe comes down across your peeper,
and then your doomed as the ultimate sleeper.
For death is eternal, ands no fate's cheaper,
as that last face you'll see, is of the Grim Reaper

clockworkreaper @ 2004-05-19T23:21:00

2004-05-20T03:18:52Z

Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)

**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

7 Deadly Dilemas

2004-05-08T15:11:22Z

Among the global exspance of mankind, they listned to the dismal tone of the magnificient reaper. Every breathe distorted as a ghastly mutterance. And thus the purpose of the Reaper was revealed in horrid anticipation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Purpose: The Clockwork Reaper exist as a negotiator between life and death.

Souls:
The Soul is the only object of value, for a reaper. The host may place a bartering price,
on which the reaper can choose to accept. Once a bargain is made, the host signs a contract complete with his name, the retrospective date, and a signature, which seals the pact. Then the reaper gains title of the astral possession, thus deeming full control, to do any bidding desired.
The reaper had the ability to sell back the soul, but at a higher price of exchange.

Information:
Everything comes at a price, and thus the reaper only deals information, for recieval of better information.

Life vs Death : The clockwork reaper is a spectral entity that lives forever in spirit.
The clockwork reaper does not kill, but rather harvests bodies for preparation. At time of judgement the reaper will bring the soul to its designation. However bargains can be made to alter this outcome, depending on the price of trade.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But first the reaper addressed seven fatal sacraments, that need occur before the plagued transition.

7. Complete higher level of achievement.
6. Complete the way of the Eagle.
5. Place many farewells to those leaving.
4. Regain a stolen material possesion.
3. Fix the relationship between a kitty and a latino flash.
2.Fix the relationship between a snake and a tiger.
*** 1.The Reaper Needs A Prom Date, Really Bad ***

Chapter 6 " Obligations ", MADLER CHRONICLES